I will never drive my Porsche to work. Even when I finally get a Porsche, that is. Want to know why?

The Boss

It’s not because a Porsche is better than my boss’s car. He doesn’t give a crap what I drive to work as long as I keep coming in. His peers would. They would cite me for irresponsibility. Plus, they would assume I am more affluent than I am and then conspire against me. If nothing else, when it came for my boss’s boss to hand out the $ they would assume that I already had enough. Patently false, enough $ is enough to get me to my special number so I could decide to stick around in the cubicle equivalent of Dodge City or not.

The Coworkers

It’s not because my Porsche would be the envy of my coworkers and they would incessantly talk about it while I was trying to get shit done. It’s not because they would always be scheming to get me and my500 little Italian horses to cart their asses to Bojangles for lunch.. although I would enjoy their Machiavellian attempts to jockey and curry my favor.

The Cops

It’s not because of the cops that would pull me over again and again and again as I zipped around in a car they would never, ever, ever be able to afford outside the Matchbox version.

Why I Will Never Drive My Porsche to Work

I will never drive my Porsche to work because a Porsche costs a lot of money! That’s money that is better put towards my special number.

Who cares what you drive around in when you are a mindless cubicle slave? Don’t give me that bull shit of ‘oh, it makes me happy when I’m not working.’ Really? You’re always fucking working! If someone came up to you and said ‘I’ll trade you this jacked up car that runs and the ability to be your own boss with financial freedom for your car loan payment and that toasty cubicle seat in front of your monitor’ what would you do?

Is your car helping keep you imprisoned in a cube? How long until you pay that off and start increasing that special number pot?

Comments (4)

My buddy Tony bought a Porsche. Used. Still a beautiful car, zips around in it everywhere. Probably drives a little less safely than he did in his manual ’84 Tercel, but he loves it.

Thanks Matt! Live it! Tony is and his i hope his life expresses his happiness. I make plenty and a porsche is not the end. I like porsches but i like lambo’s more. Life is about happyiness not what you own or drive….??? I enjoy my work and expresses part of my reason for this expression. My cars are a slight reward for it….. I do not own my own company.

Kevin James Carl III

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